The Internet called me a "bad mom” (I have never been this emotional before)
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In today’s video I share my early morning routine, a recap on my live cook with me and a very open and honest response to my …
I just wanted to say thank you to all the positive support out there! Every mom is entitled to their own opinion and that’s completely okay! 🥰 What isn’t okay however, is hateful comments telling me I’m giving my baby trauma 🤯.
I’ve got a 7 month baby & have been following your videos & advice during pregnancy ♥️
you have so much wisdom & experience to share, you share your vulnerability & love, & impact the lives of many! you have way more amazing fans than the shamers.
To you & all the mama’s that are supporting & guiding our little ones to the best of our ability, everyday is an adventure ♥️
My boss just mom shammed me the other day because I don’t force my 5 month old to hold his own bottle and lay by himself to feed himself. I cradle him while he eats and that makes me a bad mom according to her. I simply told her this is how my son feels safe and how we feel comfortable feeding him so we will continue to do so until a medical professional tells me that his health is in danger.
I love the way you explained that every parent parents differently! Every mom has a maternal instinct and it’s built for their baby only! He cio method is so bad, but gentle sleep training is okay!! Independence is a natural thing that kids come to on their own time, and some babes want it sooner than others!
Hi Nicole, first will like to say Thank you for your channel and letting us in your life and journey❤
You and Matt are such great parents! It bothers me that this is what people do and have you feel like you have to explain yourself and that sucks ! You are doing such a great job with Sage.
Every parent has their own journey and you gotta do what you feel is right for your family.
I have two girls and trust me, it's such a journey❤
Just wanted to say, dont let all the negative people win!I get judgy looks just by saying my kids go down for bed by 730pm -8 , why ? Because they have school bright and early ! Sometimes I feel like a type recorder on constant repeat with others.
And this is why a lot of YouTubers don’t show their kids. It’s just ridiculous. I’ve heard that Some YouTubers got Child Protective Services called on them. You’re thee most amazing mom! Forget the haters!
you go booooooo! what do they know?
you always inspire us❤
You are a great Mom. I love watching your videos and Sage is the cutest happiest baby.
My favorite parenting book calls this “the mommy wars” and they are so real!!
I am at the 4 month mark with my little one right now. We have been semi bedsharing. We put her to sleep in her bedside bassinet and when she wakes up for her first feed of the night I bring her into bed to feed sidelying and we fall back asleep together and stay that way the rest of the night. This has allowed my sleep to be less interrupted by night feedings and resulted in sooo many cute morning cuddles!!! But now it’s starting to not work. She is kicking and moving around a lot more at night which keeps me up and lately she has been crying out and screaming in her sleep. I am debating moving her to her own room (she already sleeps their for naps) and doing some gentle sleep training but it’s so hard to know what the right thing is.
I’ve read so much on these topics it gets overwhelming. Plenty of people hate sleep trying plenty also think I’m awful for bedsharing and I must not care about the risk of smothering my child. I have found the book “crib sheet” to be really helpful in evaluating decisions. The author looks into the data and studies that all of this “philosophies” on various parenting practices are based on and gives you the raw data to let you make your own opinions. Like with bedsharing yes their are risks but I learned what measures to take to make it as safe as possible and learned that with those measures in places there is a greater risk of something happening to her in a car crash than in bed with us and that is a risk we accept every time we go somewhere without even thinking about it. As for sleep training I learned that the idea that it would harm a child’s attachment to their caregiver started with an orphanage in Romania where kids were so mistreated they stopped crying cause they knew no one was coming. To equate that with letting a child have some space to fuss and figure things out on their own without helicopter parent, rushing in to fix everything at the first sign of distress is madness. They are not equivalent.
Anyway all this to say the keyboard warriors of the mommy wars often are only parroting what they have been told. Don’t let them get you down. You are a wonderful and thoughtful parent and we are all just doing our best on this crazy journey.
You did nothing wrong.
I was also shamed by friends and relatives when I sleep trained. My baby benefitted from it and I had a full-time job so I benefitted also.
You’re a great mom! People should keep their opinions to themselves…especially when they don’t know the full picture. Everyone has their own way of parenting and that’s ok.
You're an amazing mom. End of story. I watch your content with the hopes of being a mom like you. It is so clear and evident how much care, thought, research, and love you put into parenting Sage. It is very inspiring for me and watching you do it gives me hope that I can do it too someday. 💜
I loved this video! and I couldn't agree with you more about the parenting! You are seriously the best momma! Sending hugs to you and your sweet family!
I am not a mom, just a young lady~ so I don’t really understand why people are judging you. I mean how can they just judge you based on your videos? You are just trying to share. I have been watching your videos for some time, and I love how you spend time with Sage. She’s adorable and she looks happy all the time. I always wanna shout out to you “I am your fan from Hong Kong and I LOVE everything you share, your lifestyle and you are always inspiring me”
I think some mom’s are afraid. Ultimately, that’s what it boils down to. They’re afraid of doing something “wrong” that will negatively impact their child. Some believe that sleep training is not natural and ‘babies will sleep when they’re ready to sleep.’ Some mom’s overly worry about their baby sleeping in another room, or in another bed for that matter, so they co-sleep for years for their own peace of mind. It could be a bit of paranoia, too. I also believe that just because you transition your child to their own room asap doesn’t mean you’re not still checking up on them regularly. It’s healthy to have space and separation with your kids, even when they’re babies. It’s still YOUR life too. You have to stand by your needs even as a mom. Ultimately, many moms neglect their own needs once they have children. All of their focus goes towards their babies and mentally they become lost; they lose themselves. That’s not healthy. Don’t stop living just because you’re a mom.
I would suggest to read "Cribsheet" book by Emily Oster. She provides data driven feedback on this topic. Basically saying that there is no evidence of sleep training being harmful to a child long or short term. It will not convince the haters but may be it will help put your own mind at ease.
Your recipes for the baby SAVED ME you are an Amazing human and an incredible mom. Do not let anyone take that away from you ♥️
Preach mama!!!!!!! Our last baby sleep trained in thirty minutes. 30 minutes of crying ONE night and she has slept peaceful since! Do i think crying for 30 minutes traumatized her ONCE? NOPE!!! She was waking every 30 minutes/hour until then at 10 months old. I physically couldnt take it anymore. I made it as long as i could like that. Once she turned 11 months old I have to make a change. I had two other kids so i couldnt continue like a zombie anymore!
I agree! There are definitely more gentle ways to sleep train. I was so scared to try it because of all the shame around it and feeling like I was going to traumatize my kid but I was working, going to grad school and our little woke up so often at night. We had to try it. While in the end we went back to co-sleeping (Baby refused the crib) he still slept better because he learned to put himself back to sleep. At this point I’m the parent, I call the shots and if someone doesn’t like it cool.
This makes you not a bad mom, this makes you a responsible mom! No baby can have a good day or health wihout a good amount of sleep.. ı sleeptrained my daughter too, she is now 6 and a very happy child..
You are a good Mom and Sage is lucky to have you. ❤️
U r an amazing mom ❤️ur videos have helped me a lot ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️
Been watching your videos for so long! I admire you as a mom, wife, and I enjoy watching your positive family. I would never categorized you as a "bad mom" .
Just know you have admires ! Stay strong and ignore the negativity ♥️
Oh gosh. My baby is 9 months old and when I see Sage (old and new videos), I see my little one's temperament. Everyday is a work in progress to build my LO's independence. Conforting a child is important, but teaching them how to self-soothe is one of the best thing you can teach them. It's a skill they will use all throughout their life and it's in a controlled environment.
If I am burned out in periods where my child is in a developmental leap or is teething, I am unable to provide her with the confort she needs when she really needs it. As a mom, we are always listening and doing things with intention. I have no doubt in my mind that you are doing what is best for you and your child.
I don’t care how you put Sage to sleep. I don’t sleep train but it sounds like you did it the best way possible.
What I do care about is that you’re a beast at cutting gourds and melons. Can you do a video on that? As someone whose family has spent most of their lives in Hawaii and lives on pineapples and melons, I need to learn a better method.
I really needed to hear all of that. I'm struggling with an anxiety disorder that bring lots of mom guilt, especially with complications with my current 2nd pregnancy led to decisions that allows me to rest MORE and rely on other closed family members and a bit more daycare time to take care of our 18months and I got shamed sooo hard by a reallyyyy good friend of mine. I couldn't believe it. I've been crying everyday. This was truly the video I needed today.
For the record, I think you guys are wonderful, inspiring parents
You are so beautiful!
I totally agree with you and how sad that you had to feel that shame. I remember feeling that way sleep training my 2 and 1 year old. It is definitely in the top 10 hardest things you will do as a parent, my mental health was going down as well and there were SO many tears that would shed while I’d just rock my baby to start the next session of patting and sleeping. You are a fantastic mom!💕
Easier said then done! To just ignore sucky comments.. yrs ago without social media in my world!! Just family & friends they all had opinions (especially the grandparents) my daughter who is now 25 & has full mutation FXS received speech therapy, PT, OT, and spent 6 weeks at St Joseph’s feeding & swallowing center. I STILL remember the comments!! Ohh there’s nothing wrong she will eat when she’s hungry, she will talk when she’s ready (btw she never stops talking now) it made me feel so inadequate and sad as a new mom!!! But now I am so happy I went with my gut feeling and got her the services she needed!! Everyone has opinions, some should just stay quietly in their heads!! 😘
Mama you dont need to explain you or your family to anyone that gets to see a snippet of your life 🤷♀️
Don’t listen to the haters. The ones who lash out are just insecure and trying to justify their parenting choices, or are blind to the fact that what worked for their baby doesn’t work for others. People who feel passionate and certain that their way is right, need to sit back and and realize that your reality doesn’t apply to everyone and you’re hurting people by being judgy.
I did the cry it out method and I honestly dont care what people think it worked for me and my baby. Im a single mom that works three jobs and goes to school girly your baby is doing amazing and your a great parent especially because you do what works for you and your baby. She is well and alive sooooooo f everyone else.
Hahahahahaha #parentlife. Everyone feels like they’re entitled to an opinion on the way you parent your child. I chose not to sleep train at all for reasons that are my own, my little one is almost 11 months old and she still wakes up 2 to 5 times a night. I’m going back to work next week and mildly freaking out, but I still don’t regret my decision – even though a lot of people have been trying to shame me for NOT sleep training 😅🤷🏻♀️
Sheesh i go to your videos for tips on my baby so i guess we are both bad mom 💕🥰🤷♀️
I am very sorry you got hated on. Vlogging about your life as a mom and about your baby and family makes you very valuable, but also vulnerable, because people on the internet sometimes tend to not think before writing… this wouldn't happen in a "normal" face to face conversation. People might have rather asked about your situation and your strategy rather than judge.
I am a young mom myself and we are currently co-sleeping and I am getting some comments about that, how it's dangerous but in this case, it's face to face and we can discuss about it! I didn't consider sleep training as I had read some scientific studies about the effects of stress/crying and we don't want to put our girl through that, but they way you discribe your way (sorry, I haven't watched the video about it yet) of getting her to "learn to sleep" on her own sounds very caring, loving and mindfull. =)
PS: the way you cut that pumpkin made me laugh a little, I wanted to save all those cut-off pieces xD (this is meant as a joke, no harm!)
Happy mum = happy child. Happy child = happy mum. Simple is that. I think all of us seen pain in Ur eyes while U were saying about negative ppl opinion or "bad parent" theory. U r amazing and good example for us – mums who wants to be in a balance. WE LOVE U! 🌺
You are so right that everyone is entitled to parent how they want but that saying someone's baby us going to be traumatised is outrageous. I don't understand why sleep training is such a dirty phrase..but I sure know that you just learn never to let on you do it! Those who are totally against it rule the roost with their comments which means that those who are desperate for help think they can't ask for other opinions. I personally think that not helping your child to sleep is also damaging as babies need sooo much sleep…sleep is just as vital for neurodevelopment as the right nutrition. Well done for being so courageous and also explaining it again in the video so clearly and in a non-defensive way…you come across really well! Xxx
You are an amazing mom! ❤️❤️
You are doing great MaMa! You show her love, you provide for her, and most of all you are present with her. You are an amazing Mom.
First things first, from everything you have posted regarding your parenting and family have been so positive and inspirational to me and countless other mothers. Everyone has their own parentling style and no one is perfect. There are good days and bad days. You are a great mother and I love watching your small family. 😄
People are jealous don't let them broke you. You know how you are so move on. Send you love and power from 🇫🇷
Don’t listen to the keyboard warriors. I love your videos, our littles are a similar age so I appreciate your content! 🧡
Ahhhh, Nicole, I wish you never had to make this video to explain yourself. Unless anyone is in your shoes with your baby… they have no space to say anything about your parenting. I am a mom of 2, and you’re such an inspiration to me! You’re being the mom that Sage needs.
I am mom who sleep trained her baby at 9m, bc he was waking up every hour to comfort nurse. He is a super happy 4yo who have been sleeping independently and happily since he was 9m. No regrets 🙂.
Biblically speaking, Parents are equipped by God to take care of their child(ren) emotionally, physically, and spiritually. "Words of Wisdom from above."
I think many parents confuse "attachment style" parenting with the psychological theory and field of research of attachment. They're not the same, yet the words "attachment" and "attachment trauma" are thrown around by non-experts in judgmental and, unfortunately, uninformed ways.
As I was preparing to become a mother, I read an incredible book that really helped me confront my own insecurities and fears around attachment and mothering. It's called Strange Situation: A Mother's Journey into the Science of Attachment by Bethany Saltman. I love this book because the author both shares her own personal journey into motherhood, her fears, and her insecurities as well as the history of attachment theory and how attachment really works. Now that I'm 15 weeks pregnant, I plan on rereading this book anytime my fears and insecurities pop back up.
Saltman's book is not and introductory primer to attachment theory, it is not a parenting manual. It is part memoir, part investigative journalism, and part history of attachment theory. It's a beautiful book and Saltman's personal story made me feel like I wasn't alone in confronting "mom guilt" and "mommy shaming."
Relevant to this video, one of the anecdotes Saltman shares was her feelings of guilt surrounding her and her husband's decision to sleep train their daughter- she details her fears that she caused attachment trauma in her daughter but, as she learned more and more about attachment theory, she realized that that's not necessarily how attachment trauma works.
Anyone who watches your videos can see how much of an amazing, caring mama you are! We bed shared with our baby for 4 months, he would only nap in the sling (while i was moving or Rocking) and would wake often in the sling and at night so his sleep was so broken and he was so grouchy. The lack of sleep started to affect me mentally not to mention the back pain from wearing a sling all day everyday day! I red a book on gentle sleep training, like you going in regularly and reassuring them that you are there. He now sleeps in his own cot for all his naps And sleeps 12 hours. Sleep training was the best thing for us all. He’s now such a happy baby because his quality of sleep is so much better! Every mama and baby is so different and shouldn’t be judged for what works for them 💗
You are a beautiful mom ❤️ don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. We are all doing the best we can.
I just don't understand the mom shaming. Every child's needs are different. What works for one person's child isn't going to work for everyone else's. My daughter was a lot like Sage in the aspect that when she was little she would sleep in bed with me if I brought her to bed with me and as she got older there was no sleeping happening. She saw my bed as a play area 😂. I have a friend who both of her kids bed shared just fine until she decided it was time to change it. Being sleep deprived is not a fun thing. It definitely affects your mental health. I remember a few low moments for myself where my daughter was waking frequently through the night and made the decision that we needed to try something different for sleep.
Also SO TRUE that you think and say you would and wouldn't do certain things as a parent until you become one. We grow and learn as human beings as we go along and experience things.
Sorry for the long comment but this frustrated me so much as mom shaming is not cool.
I hope you, Sage, Matt, and Cashew are doing well! Keep the videos coming and I'm so happy for you guys on your new home! ❤️
Sage is so lucky to have you as a Mum. Mothers that go online to judge, hate and bring down other women – it’s their children that I feel sorry for xx