I Believe Fiance Is Throwing Party For Our Baby But When I Show Up Home My Biggest Fear Comes True


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My fiance was planning little party for our baby. I wasn’t expecting anything big, just casual family gathering and maybee few friends. He wanted to do a surprise …

36 replies
  1. Rj Parkhill
    Rj Parkhill says:

    OP…your fiancé’s family made her so incredibly stressed and anxious that she lost her pregnancy…and you wonder why she went NC with them? And then you disregard her feelings and invite them over…and then you’re surprised that she doesn’t trust you…? Are you serious right now…?
    People don’t go NC with their family for no reason and it’s not your responsibility (or right) to try and mend that. Apologize and grovel for your wife’s forgiveness and swear you’ll never do it again and MAYBE she’ll forgive you

    Reply
  2. Voodoomaria
    Voodoomaria says:

    Story #1:
    OP would just let go and move on.
    I'd no doubt be censured for saying "Spoken like a True Man", no matter how true it was so I'll just confine myself to saying OP has never and WILL never experience losing a baby to miscarriage after being hounded and harassed mercilessly by those that one SHOULD be able to count on for love and trust.
    OP's fiancee SHOULD have been able to count on the love and support of OP, but he betrayed that trust with his "Father Knows Best" attitude
    I hope he never sees his EX-fiancee or HER child again. They woulkd be safer and better off without someone in their lives who is so dismissive and disrespectful.
    Story #2:
    I'm on the fence about this one, Mainly because how he chooses to do meal prep for the week is exactly how I do it.
    My freezer is full of home made soups, stews, pulled pork etc.
    My refrigerator is stocked with meat stuffed rice balls, pre-portioned salads, fruit, and other items that are heat, and eat, all home made, not a cardboard box or tin foil pan in sight.
    I'm a very good cook, but I find it more convenient to pre-stock my fridge and freezer this way.
    Remember all the panic shopping at the start of "Global issue" where all the supermarkets were bought back to the walls and there was nothing left to buy?
    Never effected me at all, my freezer, and my large stock of staples like rice, pasta etc. kept me going for weeks until things settled down.
    I grant toy he's not standing in front of a stove every day, But then, when one is organized, one doesn't have to.
    he HAS taken care of the cooking. Just all at once rather than in small lots.
    I think Op is an A-hole because he isn't doing MORE around the house OTHER than meal prep, and since he is so well organized at meal prep he DOES have the time to be of more assistance.
    OP's wife was FINE with this deal until OP found the life hack and accomplished the same task in a less time consuming manner.
    SHE made a sucker bet, and HE is taking advantage.
    Story #3:
    Whether or not OP's parents approved of the actions of their daughter, her child IS blood.
    THEY chose to punish their daughter, and by extension, their grand daughter, and that was their decision. OP is under NO obligation to continue that practice, however because the child is blood of his blood, OP DOES in my opinion have an obligation to assist the girl.
    Had it been "Sister-in-law" with an affair baby, I'd say no because the child isn't blood.
    I'll probably get nasty-grams for this POV, but I feel it's justified.
    Story #4:
    Step mother cannot expect the current situation to continue after her husband passes. no matter what the relationship was, it's OPs house and he made it VERY plain every step of the way that when he returned after graduating school he intended to live in it ALONE, whether his Father was alive or not.
    Step Mother's feeble attempts at emotional blackmail are what got her time remaining in the house cut down to minimum.
    She laid her bet, and she lost.
    Story #5:
    OP is not the A-Hole
    Ever notice when/if parents who play favourites ever need any concessions, they always go to the "Easy" child first?
    The one who Isn't demanding, and selfish, and entitled?
    They never ask the one who SHOULD be making the apologies to "Be the bigger person".
    That is because deep down, in their heart of hearts they really DO know who the GOOD child is, and it Isn't the one who has always had the "My-Way-Or-The-Highway" attitude. it isn't the one who knew that Tantrums were the best way to get what they wanted.
    They take the path of least resistance at all times raising these golden children, and they are shocked when the easy child reaches or passes a point where they will no longer make concessions for the Parents mistakes in parenting.
    In this post, the parents want something but there is a problem. it's Glaringly obvious to everyone where the problem lies, but they choose to go with the easy child instead because they KNOW approaching their son will be an exercise in futility.

    Reply
  3. Sadie Ann
    Sadie Ann says:

    STORY 2: oh helllllll no. The newborn phase is so damn hard. Breast feeding is so hard just in the motions, not including the toll it takes on her body. You have to keep rotating food to keep your nutrients up. He's doing a huge disservice to his wife and babay

    Reply
  4. Tee Smith
    Tee Smith says:

    Ah Redditor's always an optimistic bunch aren't ya? also the fuck is happy family privilege anyway? op is TA but growing up in a loving household isn't a fucking privilege it's a right and i refuse to pretend like it isn't

    Reply
  5. J. Lovett
    J. Lovett says:

    Funnily enough, my BILs are more likely to go NC with my dad and his wife, than my sisters. I don't know if it's memory suppression of how bad our childhood was, or that once they moved across the state and didn't have to see our father but twice a year or so, it's not "that bad". The husbands only needed to be around them maybe 3-4 times before realizing how repugnant they are.

    Reply
  6. PurplePsyche
    PurplePsyche says:

    First Story: He is an idiot for crossing her boundaries. I would not go so far to call him an a**hole. In his mind he was trying to do what he thought was right and good for everyone. Overall it seem like his fiancee needs therapy she seem to be dealing with PTSD or she is not telling him the whole story of why she hate her family. As for the parent they may have went to far pressuring her for an abortion but it seem they had her best interest at heart. (based on the information given)

    Reply
  7. TheStarsDon'tDance
    TheStarsDon'tDance says:

    The person who addressed the op about kicking out his mom and step brother. We're they not listening to op's story about how op's dad married the lady and she already had a kid? They are NOT related and op already stated he has no ill will to them, but he wants nothing to do with them which is in his right.

    Reply
  8. Lenore Armijo
    Lenore Armijo says:

    story 2… he is not the idiot! did he say if she works or not.. having a baby doesnt make you disabled. she is perfectly capable of cleaning and taking care of a baby. she is also capable of putting a plate or bowl into a microwave to heat. My God she sounds like she is incapable of doing anything for herself. I'd tell her to go to work if she doesnt and then share the responsiblities.

    Reply
  9. Julienna SK
    Julienna SK says:

    I am glad that my hubby respect my decision to go no contact with my abusive parents. He is from a loving family, and he witnessed the abuse from my mother personally (not towards him). I read him from my diary from my childhood. He was / is so angry, that he would put my parents in prison, if possible.

    Loving background does not make one disrespectful to his/her partner's wishes. It is rather about the personality of the individual to listen and understand or to control and change partner's life, the way the individual wants it. Which means, that the person in unemphatic and controlling. OP's wife should really question if to continue such a relationship. I hope that OP got over himself, thought about it and feels sorry. Also, I hope he apologized and sought a therapy for himself to be a good and supportive husband.

    Reply
  10. MikeThePike
    MikeThePike says:

    So, OP is the a-hole bc he found an efficient manner to cook? If the agreement was simply "you cook" without greater specificity, then there was no "meeting of the minds." Next time, be clear about each other's expectations. OP is not the a-hole.

    Reply
  11. lujlp
    lujlp says:

    First story
    So if I have this gentleman's words right in the event that his in-laws or his parents somehow managed to kill his child like they killed his first wife's child he will just move on?

    According to the sparse timeline he laid down his first wife's baby died due to medical stress because it was past the point where all of the regular Auto abortions for medical reasons tend to happen

    Reply
  12. Madeline Padilla
    Madeline Padilla says:

    Story 1 – OP YTA, YTA, YTA. OP you just did a bad, bad move on your fiance. Betrayal of trust is the worst you can do to your SO. It is NOT up to you to fix her relationship with her family. As her partner your duty was to keep those people away from and RESPECT her decision and NOT go behind her back and "try to fix it" for her. You screwed up big time and you have no one to blame but yourself. You can ask her for forgiveness but the damage is already done because the one person that she thought she could count on just stabbed her in the back. If she forgives you it will take a lot for her to trust you again. Stop trying to be "Dr. Phil" and instead be the partner that she expects you to be.

    Story 2 – OP YTA. Yes, you are cooking but she is being forced to eat the same meal for a week because you took the easy way out. On top of that she just gave birth to your son and her hormones are all over the place and you are choosing to be "Mr. Smarty Pants" using the ohhhh… "there is food in the fridge just warm it up or make yourself a sandwich" BS. The icing on the cake… she do most the cleaning/house shores while taking care of the baby 95 % of the time. Since you only cook twice a week and don't look after your baby… what the F**k do you do around the house with all your free time? 🤷‍♂🤷‍♂🤷‍♂️

    Story 3 – OP YTA. Congratulations, you are your parent's son and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. YOU MUST BE VERY, VERY PROUD OF THAT. You are behaving as disgustingly as your parents did towards your niece. You are following in your parents footsteps also by keeping punishing an innocent in a situation that she did not ask to be in. Your parents being the AHs they were left money for college for your sister's eldest but they didn't leave anything for the innocent child. WHAT A SLAP IN THE FACE. You can be better than your parents and help her with college but like your "wonderful and disgusting" parents… but instead you are still choosing to be just like them. Way to go OP… Stop making excuses and trying to make yourself look like a "caring" person because in reality you are just like your pathetic and disgusting parents. 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮. For those saying you are NTA, sorry but their logic is ridiculous… "why doesn't the baby daddy step up..blah, blah, blah BS" by their logic that should also be applied to your sister's other daughter, that by the way got college money from "granny and grandpa". The hypocrisy 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮. Your parent's motto… reward the daughter born in the marriage and SCREW the one that was born out of the affair! As for OP needing that money for his daughters college education… well they all got enough from their grandparent to get a barchelor's degree and OP is using the excuse that "just in case" they want to study above the bachelor's Degree. Also by those calling OP NTA in this matter, why isn't OP responsible to foot the bill for his daughter's college degree? Did he not save money for HIS daughter's college education? Granny and Granpa paid for OP's daughter's college… what did OP pay from HIS own pocket?🤔🤔🤔🤔🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

    Story 4 – OP NTA – SM & father are AHs. OP already helped them enough. OP didn't have to but he did. Also he was not kicking them out right away… SM pushed the issue and these are the consequences. It is OP's father responsibility to make sure his wife is taken care after his passing. He is a military guy. He must have pension, life insurance, etc. so is not like SM will be starving. It is NOT OP's responsibility to provide housing for SM period.

    Story 5 – OP NTA but her mother is a gigantic AH. OP DO NOT LET YOUR BABY NEAR YOUR "BROTHER" EVER… PERIOD. As for your mother she either cut her BS now or tell her that if she doesn't stop you will go NC. You and your baby don't need that toxicity in your lives.

    Reply
  13. David Ponseigo
    David Ponseigo says:

    No one is ever required to leave inheritance to anyone, no one ever deserves to receive inheritance. I'm sick of people assuming they should get anything. Grow up people and earn your own dang money.

    Reply
  14. Izzy
    Izzy says:

    ThIS iS YoUR fAmIlY
    Yeah a crappy one trying to kick him out of his own home. Also there’s a word for siblings you share one parent with half sibling. That guy is a complete idiot, it’s only used when the one member has been wronged but has to suck up because you said so.

    Reply
  15. DemonAngel
    DemonAngel says:

    The cooking story: I'm 25/75 on this. Like I get that OP agreed to cook and he is. But the wife (new mother aside) seriously can't look at the food options provided and make something? Like.. really? That seems like some entitlement.

    And I highly doubt that the wife is constantly cleaning every day. Like. How big is the house? How much dirt so they have? I have a feeling there are some missing info on both parts here and I honestly hate how the wife demands hot meals every day 3 times a day. That's not reasonable

    Reply
  16. buttercup
    buttercup says:

    Cooking story. So OP is the idiot, because he's not cooking 3 times a day for his wife, who's a nursing mother? Newsflash! There are lots of mothers who might occasionally have 2 cooked meals a day : perhaps cereal for breakfast (which a child of about 8 can serve themself) and / or a sandwhich. They manage to stay healthy, and so do their babies. OP'S wife is getting home-cooked food. Cooking in batches, and freezing it to microwave sounds like effiency to me. I say not the idiot.

    Reply
  17. GemsOfLilyheart-WSP
    GemsOfLilyheart-WSP says:

    I hate the Redditor that acted like the OP who had the deadbeat dad and step-mom staying in his house is obligated to help them just because his dad is dying. His dad was a shit human being and deserves what he got for treating OP terribly

    Reply
  18. Margarita Aguilar
    Margarita Aguilar says:

    With the cheating sister and niece, why didn't the grandparents take their granddaughter in to consideration? Ok, punish your daughter for what she did, but the granddaughter didn't do anything wrong. I think OP should help out the niece with college.

    Reply
  19. Stand in the gsp
    Stand in the gsp says:

    Can you sell some of your parents valuables, then give her the of proceeds?
    You “technically” wouldn’t be violating the will. Why hasn’t your sister reached out to her daughter’s bio dad?

    Reply
  20. Akil Tircuit
    Akil Tircuit says:

    Idk, I kinda see both side of the equation. Though it really sucks that the girl had a miscarriage because of stress, The parents were in a situation where their child was having a child and she wanted to keep it. Who was going to pay for that baby? The minor they were already paying for?

    The boyfriend still shouldn’t have ambushed her though.

    Reply
  21. Stand in the gsp
    Stand in the gsp says:

    WOW! You violated all sorts of boundaries. You do not know what else her family has done. Buy her flowers, favorite candy, a lovely piece of jewelry & tell her you’ll get counseling to learn boundaries & promise never ever to share anything with her side of the family & that you’ll block them all. Promise you’ll tell your mom & your side of the family they cannot share info, if they do you will put them on an info diet

    Reply
  22. Katherine Stahl
    Katherine Stahl says:

    1). May be a huge over reaction but.. BUT, that is others feelings/ideas , including yours
    Look at this from her side hey,. When it comes to the vows that say
    …'for good times and bad times,,,' You blew it.

    Reply

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